...today my heart broke........

it was crazy....... i was at the wesley foundation for lunch (our church feeds the college crew that shows up on thursdays-- it is free--and usually pretty good--what a deal for them- never had anything like this when i was in college..) i go each week just to hang out and talk- it is a great break to my week. each week either myself, one of our pastors or a college student gives a short devo...well this week was my week....and to be honest i just wasn't in the right place- didn't have the energy or 'want-to' to do it, yet it was my turn. so that morning as i was getting ready to go i decided to pull the devo i did for our worship team last week.....

i have been reading louie giglios book 'i am not....but i know I AM' - i first heard louie give a talk on this subject a few years back at the national youth workers convention. it was/is a message that i go back to often...infact i will admit to 'liberating' the idea of the message and using it in my own ministry.... so when the book came out i was quick to order it- like what usually happens with me...i had a stack of 'books to read' sitting on my desk and finally made it to this one a few weeks back..... so the start of the book is based on looking at moses at the burning bush when he oh so boldly asks God what His name is.....I AM ....which means we are all names 'i am not' (really this is more then the readers digest version so go get the book and read it for yourself it is great...will really knock you in the head) i currently am stuck on this section of the book....I AM vs i am not.... so i used that in my worship team meeting and we discussed a lot about being sure that I AM is always the center....always the reason...always the leader of our worship...we are not.... it was good....so i figured i would just use the same deal and just leave the words for the college kids to stir over in their minds- (okay yes it was an easy way to just do the devo without doing the time....but wait....God knew this needed to be the message...read on!)

...so come with me back to the wesley center......

time comes for the devo-i get up...read exodus 3 and then the 4.5 pages of the book....we pray.... i am done....they go back to eating i go back to hangin and talkin... well i am standing by the ping pong table talking with some guys playin...jokin around....and this gal walks up. she isn't a student...she works at the college. but she has a story...........(we all have a story)...and something about me made her want to tell it.

things have happened in her life...some would say they were unfair....but that isn't what caused my heart to break- what caused it break was her telling me about being at church- in a sunday school class and out of ignorance someone in the class made a very judgmental and harsh statement about people who are in prison and how there is no hope for them so why minister to them. you see this person made not only a very ingnorant statement- but without knowing she squished this gal flat. her husband is in prison- she told me she hasn't been back. she admitted that it is her and she shouldn't have allowed it to stop her from being in worship- but she felt and feels so judged. .....here is why my heart broke.........

out of ignorance a statement was made. a statement that is direct opposit what Jesus did...what He called us to do.... and a statement that i am sure was made in ignorance and fear built a wall between this gal and her Father in heaven- instead of walking along side her and showing her love, support, and encouragement. my heart breaks everytime someone walks away from the church because someone inside the walls....someone who thinks they have the answers.......who acts like they have life all together.....speaks in a place where only truth should be declared ...and throws bricks faster then they can bake. i want to sit down with people like this and just read the Word.....encourage them to open their hearts and eyes to the view that lies outside their little picture of life.........i want to encourage people to become the wood, nails, hammer and hands that builds the bridge for people who stand just outside the church ....for people who run from the church....a bridge that leads to the cross.....the Father....the giver of life and love....the protector....the very hands of mercy and grace......

so today my heart broke and my journey slowed down...and instead of being dizzy i was sad....but i also am so thankful. thankful that today was my day to give the devotion...that today i was too tired to do something else...something that i hadn't done....i am thankful that God has blessed people like Louie to see stories we were rasied on with new eyes....that we hear the story again for the first time..... i am thankful that something about me on this day comforted a person enough that they could come and talk to me....i am thankful that God would use me...as unworthy and unable to do it as i am....i am thankful that my day was slow....that i had nothing else on my plate....i am thankful that i took the time to listen........Jesus is merciful i shared with her....He cares more then anyone you will ever look in the eyes....

she has hope now she says.....she is bringing her daughter to our youth event friday night.... may we all be merciful tomorrow. may we all shine Him with out any agenda but to shine Him from our hearts..........may our broken hearts flow of His love, mercy and grace.....

back to the journey......one foot infront of the other........slowly...yet with HOPE