what can You, make of me?

a friend of mine, matt neely, on his cd "stronger than gravity" has a song called "what can you make of me". it has always been a song that speaks right to my heart. i have used it in slide shows for mission trips, i have had sign choirs of youth and children sign it, i have used it in sermons and as background music for commuion.....but lately the song has been playing over and over in my heart at expected and unexpected times. it pops up with no warning...i will be sitting at my desk, driving down the street, watching tv, painting, laying in bed, taking a shower and the words will come spilling out.
sometimes the words bring a smile to my heart that makes its way to my face...other times the words bring tears to my eyes and leaves me wondering if i will ever truly know the answer to the question my soul is asking over and over and longing for an answer.
it is crazy at 33 truly i should know right? many times i joke with my students that Jesus died at 33, so i should get to retire at 33- but i have always said with in every joke is an ounce of truth- that truth? the fact that i am burned out, tired, emotionally and spiritually drained and don't know where to turn to get charged back up. i'm pased the point where some convention is going to 'fill me up'....it is much deeper then just needing time away and being with people who 'get it'....i am not sure i can see my own heart clearly anymore. so i find myself asking so many questions....
....who am i?....
....who have i become?....
....am i really worthy of the call placed on my heart?....
....is youth ministry truly that call still?....
....what is the bigger picture?....
....am i a failure because of what surrounds me?....
....can God really use me, a broken, twisted, used up, cracked, chipped, wasted, ugly vessel?....
....if my creativity is my biggest gift and it is the most stifled am i being true to my calling?....
....when is enough, enough?....
....am i worthy of his love and grace?....
....how long do you have to suffer before you are allowed to say done?....
....is it me?....
....God what can you make of me?....
tough questions....and i ain't got the answers...i just know matt's song keeps coming up again and again....usually makes me feel good...sometimes makes me cry....sometimes frustrates me...but more than anything it is my prayer to Jesus- what can you make of me? what do you want me to do....
for now i keep walking...but the circles seem really small and if you know anything about walking in small circles it makes you dizzy- UGH! i kinda over being dizzy right now:-)
enjoy the journey
lizzy
what can you make of me
you made sarah laugh, you david dance, made esther a beauty to hold the king in her hands.
you made simon a rock, and old laz live again, you took saul an enmy and made paul a friend. i've seen what you've made of them
what can you, make of me? what can you, make of me?
you made abraham trust and job lose it all, you made soloman so smart it caused him to fall. you made thomas believe and john write a book. you made a soldier alive by the life that he took. it's all right there in your book.
what can you, make of me? what can you, make of me?
they say it took dust and a rib to make adam and eve- well i don' t have much more, and i dare to believe that you are not finished with me.
still i want to know: what can you, make of me- i'm asking you Jesus. what can you, make of me? what can you, make of me? I want to know, tell me. what can you, make of me?
you gave handle the song, you made kingdom prevail, you gave martin luther a hammer and a nail, you made billy crusade, showed deitrech the cost, you emptied teresa to make room for the lost.
tell me what can you, make of me? I want to know. tell me what can you, make of me?